Still alive

Yes, I'm still alive. I knew when I started this journal that there would be times of not updating. I've tried writing in a journal before, but slacked off after a bit. This time, I know you're reading this, so I feel some responsibility to keep it up.

I've not written because I've not been very engaged this past month. With God or with anything for that matter. Seemed like I was going through some heavy stuff in May and June and now I'm happy not dealing with anything at all. I know there are still some issues that need to be addressed, but I don't really feel like it. Blah.

As for my relationship with God, maybe that's the same thing too. Maybe I don't want to engage because I don't want to face what He may have me face. Chicken, I know. Not the attitude of a pastor, I know. One more reason I'm not a pastor today. But if I am going to be, this is something to work through. Maybe never completely, but it's an area I've got to grow in.

I've determined that I have a cycle. I go through times of great ambition and drive, where I can take on the world. I take on too much work, ministry, commitment and what ever. Then I cycle down into a time of retreat and lazyness. All that work is still there, but my attitude is bad and it either goes undone or only done half as well. These cycles are both big and small. It causes times of burn-out but also a reputation of not being dependable. Maybe that's because I'm not.

On a personal note (Like that wasn't personal), my friend Keith has left. He and his wife Rhoda and their newborn Jaden have returned oversees. They are missionaries in an area of the world that doesn't really want missionaries. I hadn't had a great amount of time to get to know Keith before they come home this last time. With having Jaden, they were here a good 7-8 months. During that time, I had come to depend on Keith quite a bit. I appreciate his friendship and I will miss him very much.