Personal Update - 4/28/06

I just thought I share a personal update for me. Our Christian walk can be full of mountaintop experiences and valleys, out in the desert or walking on water. But I'm forced to remember that much of Jesus' ministry was spent on the road, slowing walking from town to town. But much of His teaching and ministry must have happened during those slow, boring walks. In fact, while the twelve may have talked about the big events with others publicly, I have to image (and I'm taking personal license here) that in private I'm sure they reminisced about the times just walking with Christ, living their lived with Him. Those everyday times were likely the ones they cherished most.

Why can't I learn to enjoy my time with Christ like this? It seems like I want to live on the mountains, and run from the valleys. But much of my time is spent on the road, and I can't seem to stop looking at the destination and enjoy the journey.

So, nothing's developed as for my calling as Pastor, or my concern for my church's young adults or the congregation owning the church as their own. I keep looking for the next revelation, but I need to be here, with Christ. When we get to the next town, there will be work to do. For now, I should just enjoy my time with Jesus.

That's not so say I'm not learning or obsessing over something. I'm driving my wife nuts right now. This whole year, my personal theme has been that there is more to Christianity than we experience. It's got to be more than Men's Ministry cook-outs, Left Behind books and Steven Curtis Chapman. Now those aren't bad, but it's no where near the picture the NT paints for the Kingdom of God! Walking on water? Feeding the multitudes? Moving mountains? Condemning fig trees? Christ said "All these you will do and more." Really? Where's that? We've settled for a lukewarm Christianity and it scares me to death.

I've been reading 'Organic Church', 'Good to Great' and 'Built to Last'. While the first is about church planting and the others are about business, the common denominator is that they are all about creating a growth culture in an organization. Man to they blend well. The ideas are painting a big picture in my mind that really hard to get a grasp on. I need to do some serious work to pull it all together into a cohesive idea, while at the same time comparing it with Jesus' ministry and the early church to see if the ideas presented within are biblical principals as well.

But I'll try to summarize my thinking. If we were really living as The Church, then we wouldn't need Men's Ministries, Women's Ministries, small groups, missions organizations, conferences, rallies and other specialized groups. We'd live in honest, open relationship with each other, giving encouragement and discipline, each of us honestly seeking Christ. In such a Church, God would be manifest and glorified. Can our hearts be renewed that much? I believe so.

PS. This has been a very productive week for me. I'm caught up on work. Give glory to God for that answered prayer.

When it's all been said and done

I love this song. Nice and slow. I've mentioned it to our worship director. Hopefully he'll remember to look it up. Written by Jim Cowen, you may have heard it on 'Revival in Belfast'.

Anyway, please read these lyrics. What a wonderful perspective. A true challenge to me personally and all of us.

When it’s all been said and done,
There is just one thing that matters.
Did I do my best to live for Truth?
Did I live my life for You?

When it’s all been said and done,
All my treasures will mean nothing.
Only what I’ve done for loves reward
Will stand the test of time.

LORD your mercy is so great.
That you look beyond our weakness
And find purest gold in miry clay
Making sinners into saints.

I will always sing Your praise
Here on Earth and ever after
For You’ve shown me Heaven’s my true home.

When it’s all been said and done.
You’re my life when life has gone.

When it’s all been said and done,
There is just one thing that matters.
Did I do my best to live for Truth?
Did I live my life for You?

LORD I’ll live my life for You.

Get to Work

Now I know you're likely thinking that this will be about getting to work for the LORD, getting out there and serving Him with all your heart and stregnth. Unfortunately no. What I wouldn't love to be able to say that God would have for me to run out and work for Him, but for now I'm still being told to wait. Now I'm fine with that, but it means keeping my current job. And that's been the problem.

Fact is, since I've started processing my calling a couple months ago, I've had a much harder time working. One could say I've been lazy, but I think extremely unmotivated is better. I just want to be doing other things. There are some books I'm reading right now 'Organic Church' and 'Built to Last'. I spend my day thinking of the things I've read and trying to extrapolate them into what I think God is speaking to me. As such, I'm just not exerting much energy at work.

So I need to get to work. The job I have is God's provision for me and my wife. It's the area He's called me to work in today and, as such, it deserves as much effort and dedication as any ministry calling might.

Happy Birthday, to my Wife

Today is my wife, Amanda's, 27th birthday. I must say that she is one of the biggest ways I've seen God's grace.

Many people today talk about soulmates. As if there's one and only one person out there for you. I don't know if I think that is true, but I do know that God had made Amanda to be a fit for me in ways I never knew a person could be. If you're single and think you know what you want or need in a spouse, you're likely wrong. Amanda meets needs in me I didn't know I had, corrects shortcomings I try to forget, and loves me with a genuine love that surpasses anything I understood in my single life.

I remember the morning when God called me to marry Amanda. It was on a Sunday morning at church. I felt my heart fill with a love and dedication to her that I had not known before. The pounding in my my chest is something I've rarely felt, and that I've come to recognize as the LORD touching my heart with His will. That morning I cried, knowing that I would never feel complete without marrying her.

So on this, her birthday, I want to publicly celebrate her life and all that she means to me. Thank you, father, for my wife. My first, best calling.

Good to Great

I've been reading 'Good to Great' by Jim Collins. I use 'reading' lightly as it's a book on CD, however I'll be buying the book because I'm dying to go through it with a highlighter. This book is about how to take a good business and make it a great one. As the book states in it's opening, "Good is the enemy of great." If you spend all your efforts trying to remain good, you'll never put in the work needed to become great. But this isn't just a book about business, because the research findings were basic organizational concepts that would work in any organization.

To start, they looked for companies that had at least 15 years of average or below average stock market performance, followed by a transition point, then at least 15 years of performance at least three times the general market. Only eleven companies made this cut. They then set out to find what the common traits were between these companies and how they were different from the companies who either just remained good, or started to become great but failed to maintain momentum. Out of this came these eight concepts, to follow in order.

1. Level 5 Leadership. Where ambition is first about the cause, the company or the work, not the leader himself. Where the leader humbles himself and puts the organization and the others around him first, but still maintains a strong will to make the organization great.

2. First Who, Then What. Don't go in with an idea of what needs done or how to go about it. First get the right people in the right place and remove the wrong people. Then that group of people work out together what to do and how to do it.

3. Confront the Brutal Facts, While Maintaining Faith. Reality is reality and if we're not honest about what we're facing, it can never be addressed. However, even if the reality faced is terribly difficult, maintain the faith that it can and will be worked through.

4. Hedgehog Concept (The Three Circles). Ask questions and get a deep understanding of three questions: What do have a natural talent or gifting for, what could you be the best at? What do you have a passion for? What can you get paid for? (For the church, you might ask what talents and giftings we have, what God is calling us to, and what is our provision?) Once you have a deep understanding of the answers to those questions, you develop one simple, unifying concept to be the basis for your future decisions and direction.

5. Culture of Discipline. Does everyone in the organization understand and own the Hedgehog concept? Are all choices based on how well they fit this central goal? Are you willing to let major opportunities pass you by if they don't fit your concept?

6. Technology Accelerators. Technology itself isn't won't drive change or make greatness, but if applied according to your hedgehog concept, it can accelerate greatness.

7. Flywheel. Think of a large, heavy wheel that takes much effort to turn, but once you get it going the momentum will drive you forward. Don't expect one, large push to get it going, rather it will take slow, steady, disciplined effort. As long as your moving in the right direction, regardless of how slowly it's going, keep applying effort in that direction. Only change direction when the momentum will take you somewhere you don't want to go.

8. Preserve the Core / Stimulate Progress. Set your core ideas, values and goals, but be willing to changed your methodology to get there.

In considering these ideas in conjunction with the young adults at our church, I'm beginning to go back to step one. Am I wanting to lead in such a way that I am not promoted, but instead work only for building God's church and give Him the glory? If so, then who are the right people to begin asking questions. Last year I came up with an entire plan for a young adult church, but Johnny said it looked like a solution without a problem. To follow this book, that's because I put the what before the who. We need to start honest discussions and see what, if any, problems exist.

Young adults(Part I)

It struck me this morning that in Luke's Gospel, he states that Jesus was 'about thirty' when He started His ministry. Now I'm 29 years old. I'm 'about thirty'. He was old enough to take on ministering to those who would kill Him, taking on the sin of all of creation with it. And I wonder at times if I'm old enough to lead a committee for our Christmas program.

I have to admit to feeling that even into my late twenties, I'm still not an adult. I don't think of myself as a man, still just a kid. So when we talk about pastoring, I often wonder if I'm old enough to pastor to 'real adults' or even to those my own age. Am I an adult and am I thought of as an adult by others?

I think my problem is the same for many in the 18-35 year old category. Extended adolescence. We aren't growing-up nearly as early in life as we once were. True, we're reaching adolescence earlier than before (ten-year olds in low-rise???), but it extends later as well. This is how you have 28 year olds still living at home. We're just not maturing as early as we once were. I think there are two basic reasons for this.

First, the entertainment industry. Think about it. What demographic has the most disposable income? Any working adult who is either not yet married or doesn't have children. They have managed to market 'staying younger, longer' very well. The longer we put off growing up, marrying and having kids; the longer we'll have more money to spend on all the things they sell us (going to movies, having the latest electronics, get the newest car, etc) to keep us feeling younger, so we'll keep spending money on their stuff. It's a vicious cycle and one that I'm sure Satan is pleased with. For as long as we continue to spend our time 'staying young' and spending our money on worthless status symbols, the longer we're not working for God or using our money for His glory.

The other reason for this extended adolescence is a lack of responsibility. The World War II generation is often called the Greatest Generation. Having grown-up through the depression, they were the fighting and support force behind WWII. They then came home and,making up for the time lost, had to work hard to build a home and family. But my generation, riding in the wake of the Greatest Generation and the Baby Boomers, we really don't have to work nearly as hard to get ahead. In other words, we have a lot less responsibility put on us at an early age. It's much easier to take your time growing up when you don't have to push as hard as those before us did.

So where does this leave us? This leaves us with adults in the church who are too content with enjoying life and not accepting the mantle of responsibility that God puts on us. So how is the church addressing this issue? Not sure. Stay tuned.

Watch the line

So far one major point of my journey has been that no married man called to be a pastor is called alone. His wife is intimately involved. As such, it will be hard for me to be complete in this journal without sharing somethings about my wife. However, it's not my place to post her private feelings in a public arena. So, I'll continue to be careful about where that line is and work not to cross it.

Last night, we had a wonderful conversation about my calling and working that out. As you may notice, she left a comment in the first post that really moved me. I won't go into the details, but last night we both openly discussed that Amanda's not ready for me to be pulled on and giving to a congregation. She still really needs me and my time, which is contradictory to having me and my schedule be focused on others. We've both heard stories of pastors who's homelives, thier relationship with the wife and kids, suffers due to putting an unhealthy focus on the congregation's needs. It's a very valid concern and one that will take some time for both of us to get used to.

I just really enjoyed on conversation last night. It helped to show me, once again, that my marriage and my wife are of God. Everything else follows behind that, short of my marriage to Jesus. I think we're in a very healthy place.

Balancing the work God lays out before us can be tricky. It's easy to think of God's work as all the things you do for church or for the world. We've got to remember that our home, family and marriage are also God's work. One isn't more important than the other.

Discipline

I find that in areas of myself where I lack, the primary reason that I lack isn't that I don't know how to improve myself, or that I don't have the opportunity to improve myself. Rather, it's that I don't have the discipline to take the opportunities or steps needed. I know the path to walk, I can clearly see a plan to attain the goals I want to hit, but I fail because I choose the easy or the pleasurable over the beneficial.

In the heart of true disclosure and accountability, I'll share the areas where I'm struggling the most. Primarily weight loss and finances. Strangely, they are very tied together. Dining out. Amanda and I are on WeightWatchers. I find we can do well at work and home, if we stay home. However we both prefer dining out and that never goes well. We're off plan the moment we walk in. This also takes it's toll on our budget as we only have a certain amount planned for eating out and we'll blow through that in the first couple days. We know what to do and we could make the right choices, but we don't. We won't discipline ourselves to do it.

Webster defines discipline as "training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character". That definition helps. When training for a 10k marathon, you don't start out running 10k. You run 2, then 5, then 7. One day you do well, the next you don't go near as far as you did the day before. It's frustrating, but with time you do get better as you go as long as you choose to continue going. When applying this definition to our dining out problem, I can see that every time we stay in is a victory and even though we may not exercise control one night, we have the ability to exercise control the next. I just need to actively choose to continue going.

From a spiritual standpoint, have you ever related the word 'discipline' to the word 'disciple'? Seems obvious, but I don't think I have. I would consider myself a disciple of Christ, yet am I allowing myself to be disciplined by him? Am I submitting to His "training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character"? Just as in my other struggles, I must choose to follow Christ and He will "correct, mold or perfect" my mind and my heart. The very definition of me as a Christian should be one choosing to undergo discipline. In some areas, it may be a daily choice. But the choice is the training and even if I don't run as far as I did yesterday, I still have the opportunity to make the right choice today.

During my 30 days, I tried to pray daily and nearly did so. However I must confess that since I no longer have that in mind, I've stopped. I have not spent even 10 minutes with God in prayer in a week. So I'm not running as far as I was, but I am now choosing to continue to train. I will spend my prayer time with God today. No condemnation for the week's lapse, but security in the fact that I'm still in training. I'll need this if I'm going to pastor someday.

Feelin' good

The first time Keith and I talked about my calling, I went into the conversation with certain expectations. I expected to pray for confirmation, expected to discuss schooling, expected to get together with my Pastor and look at leadership development. However, it didn't work out that way. We prayed for confirmation, but the rest was put on hold. Rather than jump in with both feet, as I was ready to do, we stopped short and waited on the Lord.

So last night when Keith and I got together again to discuss where we were after our 30-days had passed, I was a little anxious. See, I was feeling pretty good about things. I knew where i was at with my call, what God was requiring of me, and what I thought I was to do next. But sitting down and processing that with Keith, whose insight I trust, meant laying that peace down and verifying that with God. It meant that God might bring something else to me which would again disrupt my expectations and I was very happy where I was at.

I had written Keith a fairly long e-mail sharing my position prior to our getting together, so he came into our conversation with some questions and concerns already in place. He was concerned that I was going to move ahead with my calling without waiting on Amanda. Which, I admit, is a valid concern. It poses the question, "How much can I do before I'm moving on in my calling without her?" It places a very fuzzy line in the sand that could be real easy to cross. However, after speaking it became more clear. For now, I will accept my calling and begin to build the discipline and character that are needed of a pastor. I will not do anything that will move me into the career of being a pastor until Amanda has heard from the Lord and agrees. That may mean that it never happens, and I'm submissive to that.

So in the end Keith confirmed where I was and I'm moving forward with it. Which, I must say, was a relief. I'm going to meet with my pastor and share with him what's happened this past month. It's been strange not sharing with Linden what's been happening. He's always been up to date with things that have been going on in my walk. But I couldn't have trusted my motives before now. So I'm happy to get together with him.