So about a week after my last post, I got a part-time job at Staples. Amanda had seen a house for sale about a month before and was still talking about it. Now when we got married we made a deal that we would not buy a house for 5 years. This was for two reasons. First, we had seen others run out a buy a house soon after marriage and got in over their head. Waiting would help us build our marriage before adding the stress of buying and maintaining a house. I think we're stronger for it. The second reason is that I have debt from before marriage that we would need payed before we could really afford a mortgage. Now we're making progress, but not as fast as I'd hoped. Now we're in our last year and I feel it's my obligation to get us ready to buy come next year. Hence, the job.
I picked up a evening job at Staples. For a PT job, I couldn't get much better. They've added PC tech service in-store so I get paid well. They'll only give me the hours I ask for and are giving me Sundays and Wednesdays off for church and bible-study. But picking up an additional 20 hours a week has been difficult. I'm tired a lot more since on evenings when I work, I'm out of the house for ~15 hours a day. Amanda has taken up quilting so that's given her some distraction, but I know she's lonely. She's taken on some of the extra chores around the house, so that's been a big help.
Now, as for God. (That should be a big red warning light if you ever utter those words.) Did I pray about the job first? No. Have I since I realized this? No. Am I plunging ahead stubbornly? Yes. Why? Partly because I don't want to just move forward on my own then ask Him to bless what I'm doing. At least I'm not being hypocritical. However, that's pride. Pride is likely driving all of this. (In a deep sailor or Marine voice. Think Jack Palance, Sam Elliot or James Coburn) "A real man would provide for family, regardless of the work and sacrifice." Most times I just feel lazy, that I'm not providing all that I should. When she wanted that house and I knew we couldn't get one and I was the reason why, I just felt an overwhelming need to right that.
Am I right? No. The idea isn't really wrong but doing it without God is.
So my pastoral calling is on hold right now. If anything, this has showed me that I'd be able to take the time for school if and when we get to that point. The debts are binding me anyway. I can't go into ministry with a debt load. No church is likely to pay me what I make doing PC work so we need to be able to live of less income.
Pray for me and Amanda. In the job, for sure. But also that I find a friend. To be honest I miss Keith. His counsel was so honest and cutting, I needed that. I had permission to rely on him and I used that. I miss having him around.
