Best words to describe my last few months. Spiritually anyway. I'm plugging along, but the passion's gone. I feel distant from God. More so than I ever have.
Let's backup. I'll summarize with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight. Last October I took a job at Staples. (See posts New Job and Reminder). As you can see, I knew that I wasn't following God by taking that job, but I have to say I wanted to provide for my wife and rectify what I see as being 12 years of financial irresponsibility. Since then, I lost touch with God. He was silent. We fell out of attending church. (I'd say five times since then). All in all, I could have fell away from the church, God and all without much problem.
Now there's a few reasons. The job gave Amanda and I little time together, so we welcomed a morning to sleep in and spend time together. Most of our close friends have left or are overseas so we don't really feel like we have many ties anymore. Those alone are a challenge, but in my heart I knew I had a problem. I had decided that I wanted some financial prosperity and was going for it, regardless of what God had for me. I'd turned from him and was focusing on money. From talking with my pastor, and other friends, it was clear that this was the turning point.
So last week I turned in my notice. I'm not really happy about it. I like the work and I've made friends. I'm also quiting before I reached the financial goals I had set. I'm putting that in God's hands, but I'll be honest my hearts not fully in it. This is obedience. Mostly. Thing is, if this or anything is going to cost me my relationship with God then it's not worth it. I'd rather be broke and right with God that anything without him.
So where does that leave me? Well my last day is this Saturday. I still don't feel very close to God or the church right now. Both Amanda and I feel lonely there. I'm hoping that with this, things will get better.
Let's backup. I'll summarize with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight. Last October I took a job at Staples. (See posts New Job and Reminder). As you can see, I knew that I wasn't following God by taking that job, but I have to say I wanted to provide for my wife and rectify what I see as being 12 years of financial irresponsibility. Since then, I lost touch with God. He was silent. We fell out of attending church. (I'd say five times since then). All in all, I could have fell away from the church, God and all without much problem.
Now there's a few reasons. The job gave Amanda and I little time together, so we welcomed a morning to sleep in and spend time together. Most of our close friends have left or are overseas so we don't really feel like we have many ties anymore. Those alone are a challenge, but in my heart I knew I had a problem. I had decided that I wanted some financial prosperity and was going for it, regardless of what God had for me. I'd turned from him and was focusing on money. From talking with my pastor, and other friends, it was clear that this was the turning point.
So last week I turned in my notice. I'm not really happy about it. I like the work and I've made friends. I'm also quiting before I reached the financial goals I had set. I'm putting that in God's hands, but I'll be honest my hearts not fully in it. This is obedience. Mostly. Thing is, if this or anything is going to cost me my relationship with God then it's not worth it. I'd rather be broke and right with God that anything without him.
So where does that leave me? Well my last day is this Saturday. I still don't feel very close to God or the church right now. Both Amanda and I feel lonely there. I'm hoping that with this, things will get better.
