So my sharing went well, although a week later that expected. No big deal. I think I was more open and honest than I expected. Not that I intended to mislead, mind you. But there is just so much you would normally open up in front of a crowd. Maybe we should be more open. I admitted my short comings, my feeling of disconnect from the church and God, and my hesitence to embrace this calling. First time I'd ever talked about that publically in front of a group as well.
It's been a good year since I've felt close to God, more like I've given up on Him and the church. I know I haven't, because I keep coming back (or He has kept me). I think it goes back to my calling as a pastor. I'm reluctact to engage it fully. My personallity is to avoid conflict. Part of me doesn't want the conflict of reaching out to others, with Amanda over schooling, of possibly leaving my church to an arena God calls me to, or with God over my character and faithfulness. I've been hiding and enjoying the comfort the lack of conflict brings.
Try sharing that in front of 250 people. Don't know if I shared it in that detail, but I know I didn't plan to. Oh well. Being open and putting yourself out there keeps you honest. Sin hides from the light, so shine the light inside whenever possible.
Please pray for me. Pray that I not hide anymore. That I get serious about engaging God and those around me. It's an effort to pour yourself into others and I'm lazy. Pray that I get to work.
