Last night we discussed divorce and remarriage at our men's group and I left even more confused that when I started. I know it's something I'll need to get into more. I'm not sure I want to hash details out here and now, but there's a larger issue that's really bothering me.
We're saved through our faith in Christ by God's grace. Grace means receiving something that you don't deserve. We don't deserve the forgiveness that God offers. There's nothing we've done to earn it. It's only because of His great love for us that He gives us a path to redemption at all.
Now the thing is that grace can be hard to receive. You've heard it said that often the hardest person to forgive is yourself. That's really true with God. So many times we think we need to suffer or be disciplined for our sin when really God's grace is covering that and we're forgiven. We just may not want to accept that forgiveness.
With divorce, there are those Christians who have been taught they sinned by getting divorced and then again when they remarried, so they are in a constant state of sin. This makes them, in their mind, a second class Christian. I'm sure other feel the same way for different reasons, every sin comes with it's own condemnation. They need to realize that God's grace covers them, they are forgiven.
What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By
no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?
Romans 6:1-2
However grace only goes so far. Are we to continue to live in our sin and take God's grace for granted? No. We're called to live holy lives. We will fail, to be sure, but we are not to take advantage of God's grace and intentionally walk in disobedience.
So there should be some point where, based on the scriptural evidence we have, we should say to someone that either to divorce or remarry would be sin. Or if a man was remarried after an unscriptural divorce, that he could not serve as an Elder or Deacon.
However, now that starts seeming too legalistic. Doesn't the grace of God and His forgiveness extend to this man? If he's repentant of the choices he made in his first marriage and is now following Christ, shouldn't he be allowed to serve the church?
So where does the cycle end? Where in this spectrum between legalism and grace does the heart of God lay? Surely we know that living under strict rules with no grace is damaging to one's faith, but so is living so far under grace that behavior ceases to matter. Where is the balance? God is just, but also forgiving. When and how do you reconcile these two?
(I can't help but think of the non-Christians who I know read this blog. These types of disagreements have to be a huge reason why Christians seem so confused and contradictory at times. The only thing I can say is that as long as you're not seeking what you think is right, but what God says is right, then you're on the right path.)
4 comments:
I know we talked about this yesterday but it’s been tumbling around in my head like a load of laundry and I think it’s dry now...
I guess I worry about the statement that grace only goes so far. That’s a dangerous statement to make. Once we go down that path and put limits on God's grace we're traveling down a very slippery slope.
I'm not saying that we don't uphold the standards that God gave us in the Bible but I think we need to understand that God's forgiveness is absolute no matter what we think. As you said it’s not God that can't forgive, it’s us.
So as far as the man who remarried and then repented. How can we really solve this issue? According to that train of thought the only way for him to ever serve as an elder or deacon is to divorce his current wife and remarry the old one. I can't see how any church would condone a divorce of a quite possibly good marriage in favor of rebuilding a broken one. That sounds a lot like something that the Pharisee's would say as they uphold the Law. Jesus would never agree to that in letter or principle. And who’s to say that the former spouse hasn’t remarried? Then we’re trying to tear apart two marriages in favor of one.
We have to mirror God's grace in the church. We can't stand so far out on doctrine and legalism that we stop a calling to ministry from God. If that man has been forgiven and called who are we to stop him?
I agree there is a time of counseling, prayer, and training involved but in the end God's grace has no boundaries.
As a Pastor in this situation I would want one on one time with the man, the current wife, and if at all possible the former wife. I would not want to go into that situation with any preconceptions because life and marriage can be a messy thing and there can be all kinds of reasons that maybe the people involved with don't really understand. There is a lot of healing to be done on many levels and it is rarely a simple fix.
Sure, there is going to be reasons that you can't let this person jump in right away. That could be infidelity or something to that effect. There's more than one way to cheat on a spouse. But if an ordained Pastor or Minister was caught in infidelity there is always a restoration process in place to bring that Pastor or Minister back into the fold. It may take time but it can be done.
Why shouldn't we have a restoration process in place for everyone? I know people that have been turned down for licenses in the ministry but not forever. They’re going through a healing and mentoring process that has a conclusion and restoration.
I can't allow myself to limit God in any way. He brings people out of the worst possible circumstances and raises them up to leaders in the church. If we went by today’s standards in our churches Paul would never get in. He was a murderer. Who wants to be the one to answer to God that he stopped someone the likes of Paul from moving forward in ministry?
There are times when we just shouldn’t agree to marry people. God will lead us through those times and we do have God’s word to help guide us down that path. There isn’t always going to be an easy answer but God will always provide an answer if we ask.
Excerpt from The Divorce Myth by J. Carl Laney
How should a local church respond toward a couple who have rejected the pastor's counsel regarding remar¬riage, have gone to another pastor to be married, and then returned to the church for fellowship?
James points out in his epistle that "to one who knows the right thing to do, and does not do it, to him it is sin" (James 4:17). According to the position set forth in this book, divorce and remarriage constitutes a sin against God and is a manifestation of dis¬obedience to his Word. It is significant, I believe, that the Old Testament distinguishes between an inadvertent or un¬intentional sin and the defiant sin (where one who knows God's law wills to violate it). The Hebrew text of Numbers 15:30 refers to this latter kind of sin as "the sin of the high hand." God made provision for atoning sacrifice in the case of the unintentional sin (Num. 15:22-29), but there was no sacrifice possible in the case of the "sin of the high hand." The one who knowingly and intentionally violated God's law would be "cut off from among his people"—that is, put to death (Num. 15:30; cf. Ex 31:14). My point here is that I would consider it rather dangerous to knowingly disobey God's Word. I am not saying that such a sin cannot be for¬given, but that to so presume upon God's grace would be to provoke His wrath! If those involved are true believers, we can be assured that they will be the recipients of God's dis¬ciplinary judgment (cf. Heb. 12:6-11; 13:4).
In dealing with such a couple, I believe that the instruc¬tions of Jesus in Matthew 18:15-17 should be followed. The first step would be that of private reproof by the pastor or an appointed elder. In a compassionate and loving way, the sin should be pointed out and repentance requested. If there is no repentance, the second step should be to have the couple meet with the pastors, elders, or deacons (de¬pending on your church policy) for the purpose of pointing out the sin and calling for repentance. If the couple still re¬fuses to acknowledge their wrong, then the matter should go before the whole church at a special meeting of the body. If there is still no response on the couple's part, then, fol¬lowing the instructions of Jesus, the couple should be sepa¬rated from fellowship with the local body of believers. This can be done by removing their names from the church role and (or) denying them the privilege of sharing in the Lord's Supper. Should there be a manifestation of genuine repen¬tance at any step in the disciplinary process, the couple should be restored to full fellowship with the members of the church. It should be acknowledged, however, that di¬vorce and remarriage would limit the couple in certain areas of Christian service.
Denying fellowship to a sinning Christian is a weighty step for any local church to take, yet the Apostle Paul in dealing with the church at Corinth indicates that this is sometimes necessary (cf. 1 Cor. 5:1-13). Note, however, that separation from fellowship should not be viewed as an end in itself. Such discipline is designed to lead the sinner to repentance! Paul emphasizes that when the discipline has served its purpose, the repentant sinner ought to be for¬given, comforted, and brought back into fellowship with the local body (cf. 2 Cor. 2:5-8). Paul points out to the Corin¬thians the danger of an unforgiving spirit—it invites Satan to take advantage of the situation and promote his evil de¬signs (2 Cor. 2:10-11).
The greatest temptation for believers in dealing with those who have knowingly violated God's design for mar¬riage is to withhold forgiveness. You might say to yourself, "Why, they recognized that remarriage was wrong but did it anyway because they knew the church could forgive them." Well, that may be true. But only the omniscient God can make such a judgment. We as Christians cannot deny such a couple the forgiveness that God grants (cf. Matt. 6:14-15; 18:21-35). When you are confronted with this situation, avoid being judgmental. Pray that Christ will manifest His compassion in your own heart. Stand by to counsel the couple concerning their need for repentance. Be ready to minister as God takes the couple through His program of divine discipline which will ultimately produce in them the "peaceful fruit of righteousness" (Heb. 12:11).
Dr. J. Carl Laney was educated at the University of Oregon (B.S. in Public Administration), Western Conser¬vative Baptist Seminary (M.Div. in Biblical Literature, Th.M. in Biblical Literature), and Dallas Theological Seminary (Th.D. in Bible Exposition).
Presently the Associate Professor of Biblical Literature and the Chairman of the Department of Biblical Litera¬ture at Western Conservative Baptist Seminary, he is also a member of the Evangelical Theological Society.
Dr. Laney has served as pastor of three churches and has authored seven books and many articles. He is married and the father of three children, and the family makes their home in Portland, Oregon.
Les McFall has an interested way to deal with the exception clause in Matthew 19:9. He has written a 43 page paper that reviews the changes in the Greek made by Erasmus that effect the way Matthew 19:9 has been translated. I reviewed McFall's paper at Except For Fornication Clause of Matthew 19:9. I would love to hear some feedback on this position.
I don't think it was coincidence that Matthew chapter 18 tells a story about forgiveness right before Jesus talks about divorce and remarriage in Chapter 19.
In Chapter 18, a man was offered complete and immediate forgiveness of a debt too large to repay. But instead of accepting the grace offered by his creditor, he just wanted more time to repay. So he tried to then collect unmercifully all the small debts owed him by his fellowman.
Jesus, without waiting one single day more, healed on the Sabbath, a woman bound 18 years by her infirmity. Is the Sabbath for man or man for the Sabbath?
Is Marriage for man or man for Marriage?
To lust in thought after a man or woman is committing adultery. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Come boldly to the throne of grace to find help in your time of need. He that has been forgiven little loves little and he that has been forgiven much loves much.
It is not good for the man to be alone [again].
It is better to [re]marry than to burn with lust.
Be fruitful and multiply.
The man without grace might say, "I would rather stay unmarried and feel I am going to heaven that remarry and go to hell if I am wrong about grace?
No coward or adulterer will enter the kingdom of heaven (Paul). However, which is more heroic, to stay unmarried and face a lifetime ahead of you lonely or to accept grace and live as if sin had never touched you?
Is staying unmarried more like staying in the boat or stepping out of the boat and walking on water?
Is remarrying more like staying in the boat or stepping out of the boat and walking on water?
Keep you eyes on Jesus the author and perfector of out faith.
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