Believing God

OK, so this post is more just me working out something that's in my head. As such, it may ramble on. To those who are wondering how that's any different than my normal posts, I say "Touché."

Throughout 2007, my wife and I felt really lost at church, weren't connecting and really cold spiritually. I remember thinking towards the beginning of that time that there must be something more to Christianity than I was getting. Others seemed much more faithful than I. Many well-meaning Christians would tell me that I shouldn't be comparing myself to others. That if I knew them, I'd know that below the surface many were just as insecure as I was. Rare, apparently, is the Christian who's anywhere near as holy as we think. (That I can agree with.)

However, these well-meaning Christians were missing what I was saying. I knew, in my spirit, that something was truly missing from my faith. I had spent my time learning about God, trying to pray and read my Bible, seeking out His truth, connecting with other Christians and serving in anyway I felt I was led. Yet something was missing. On the outside I looked fine and I can understand those who thought I was doubting myself. Only it was more.

Now, my wife and I are doing much better. We're open to the Lord again, seeing His work and teaching in our lives. We're 'on the mend' as it were. Yet I'll tell you something is still missing.

• I have a friend from church who is leaving his job, home, church and friends to help plant a church. He's raising support and trusting God to provide for him, his wife and daughter.
• I have another friend who, with his wife and two children, is moving to Brazil to work with street children. They don't have all their support but are leaving in just a couple months.
• A good friend has been a missionary overseas in a country very unfriendly to missionaries. On their last return back, they left without knowing if they would be allowed back in the country.

Why do I mention these folks? Because they are living in faith. All of them are trusting where they believe God is leading them. Now these are huge examples, but I know of others who are trusting God for much more normal, yet not less important, reasons.

As an example, one woman is sticking by her husband through a prison sentence even though she would have biblical and very understandable reasons to divorce him because she believes God will heal their marriage. He is. She is living by faith.

We often talk about the difference between believing 'about' God and believing 'in' God. Believing 'about' God means recognizing a set of facts and that He actually exists. Believing 'in' God means we put our faith in Him. We trust God with our salvation and to teach us how to live our lives.

However, I think there's a third option. We need to not only believe 'about' God or even 'in' God, but just believe God.

• Believe that He is really in control of everything.
• Believe that He forgives you daily and that any shortcomings you have are nothing compared to His power.
• Believe that He is faithful and keeps His promises.
• Believe that prayer is the most powerful thing you can do because it connects you to God.
• Believe that God doesn't need you to defend Him, that His Word is more powerful than any criticism someone might offer.
• Believe that He will provide for your needs.
• Believe that any work He has for you will be more rewarding that anything you could come up with on your own.
• Believe that He is God and nothing is beyond Him.
• And most of all, believe that He loves you and puts all that power into loving you.

Thinking back, I think I did believe God soon after I was saved. I'm sure not completely, but even after the first year of our marriage I remember really trusting God more than I do today. Somewhere along the line, I stopped putting my life in His hands. I'm still saved from my sins, but I stopped believing that God could work in my life and in my heart the way He promised. I looked to myself and because more worried about what God had in store for me.

I have because too me-centered. What about my job, my provision, my marriage, my life. The point is to focus on God and believe that He will take care of all that. What does God want done and who does He want reached is more important than how my life will look.

When I first told Amanda that I thought I was to be a pastor, she said "Don't you think a pastor would pray and read the Bible more?" Discouraging, but accurate. It meant that God had work to do in my life before that calling could be realized. Now I think I'm starting to see part of it. I need to believe God.

Time for a change.