It's strange that this blog was originally intended to keep my calling as a pastor public, but now that things are moving I'm reluctant to share.
There's this strange battle in my heart between ministry and career. In ministry, we serve. In career, we advance. But when your career is ministry, it feels wrong to want to advance. It seems presumptive to be driven. God should open the doors, right? It would show a lack of faith, and worse yet be of the flesh, to be ambitious.
Yet God says that those who desire to be an Elder desires a noble task (1 Timothy 3:1). God does not rebuke such ambition, rather it seems as if He approves of it. The following verses detail out the character of such a man. It would make sense God wants all of us to meet those qualifications, as it reflects Christ's character.
The ambition still remains, however. That's where I'm at right now too. My ambition is to work for the church full time. That wording makes it sound like I'm just out for a job, but it's so much more than that. My whole heart is driven in that direction. I spend my days thinking about how do we retain members, how should small groups encourage self-discipline, how do we keep the kitchen stocked. My mind is bent around organizing the church in such a way that it's members thrive spiritually.
This is making my current 9-5 rather tedious. I can't tell you how little satisfaction I get anymore. I know we are to work as if unto the Lord and I do try. I am grateful for the provision He gives. I just do not understand the fire He's lit in me, yet He keeps me here.
So at the prompting of my wife, who's being very patient with me, I've shared some of this with Linden. At a recent lunch discussing the possibility of my starting school I just came out and shared my dream of being a possible Pastoral Intern. It would be very part time and I would still keep my job, but it would include structured mentoring and development.
At even more prompting, I wrote Linden again and shared that my heart is really to be at the church full time. Now I'm not asking for that, nor do I see it happening in the near future. But I needed to be honest that's what I want.
So for now, pray for me that God will align things, give my heart His desires and open/close the doors that need it.
Also, if you've ever had to deal with balancing ambition/ministry I'd love to read your comments.
There's this strange battle in my heart between ministry and career. In ministry, we serve. In career, we advance. But when your career is ministry, it feels wrong to want to advance. It seems presumptive to be driven. God should open the doors, right? It would show a lack of faith, and worse yet be of the flesh, to be ambitious.
Yet God says that those who desire to be an Elder desires a noble task (1 Timothy 3:1). God does not rebuke such ambition, rather it seems as if He approves of it. The following verses detail out the character of such a man. It would make sense God wants all of us to meet those qualifications, as it reflects Christ's character.
The ambition still remains, however. That's where I'm at right now too. My ambition is to work for the church full time. That wording makes it sound like I'm just out for a job, but it's so much more than that. My whole heart is driven in that direction. I spend my days thinking about how do we retain members, how should small groups encourage self-discipline, how do we keep the kitchen stocked. My mind is bent around organizing the church in such a way that it's members thrive spiritually.
This is making my current 9-5 rather tedious. I can't tell you how little satisfaction I get anymore. I know we are to work as if unto the Lord and I do try. I am grateful for the provision He gives. I just do not understand the fire He's lit in me, yet He keeps me here.
So at the prompting of my wife, who's being very patient with me, I've shared some of this with Linden. At a recent lunch discussing the possibility of my starting school I just came out and shared my dream of being a possible Pastoral Intern. It would be very part time and I would still keep my job, but it would include structured mentoring and development.
At even more prompting, I wrote Linden again and shared that my heart is really to be at the church full time. Now I'm not asking for that, nor do I see it happening in the near future. But I needed to be honest that's what I want.
So for now, pray for me that God will align things, give my heart His desires and open/close the doors that need it.
Also, if you've ever had to deal with balancing ambition/ministry I'd love to read your comments.
1 comments:
I'm very halting in my ambition and have a lot of self-checks built in to me that probably has slowed me down more than needed over the years.
I think a lot of times I just wait for others to ask and I know that's not exactly the best way to be. That also comes from a timid demeanor that I work on daily.
I know there's a balance but I doubt anyone really knows where it is. I have a couple of works of Billy Graham I'd like to read someday. I felt that maybe reading some works of his later in life would be enlightening. A little of that, "Been there done that" thing coming through.
If anyone has a right to be ambitious and forthcoming in his expectations over the years it would be Billy Graham. I'm sure he's had his ups and downs.
Anyway, I wouldn't feel alone in this. Maybe ambition is the wrong word for what you're talking about. Calling, drive, anything like that sounds more fitting.
I think the best word is "Passion". Passion comes from God. Love comes from God. The only advice I would feel worthy of giving is to pray unceasingly about it. Make sure your motivation is always towards the Creator.
You're doing great things. Don't forget to enjoy what God is doing through you.
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