Another 30 Days

You probably haven't been reading this blog since the beginning, but hopefully you've read the Welcome post linked over at right. It all started in response to a 30-day time of prayer. I had a feeling one Sunday morning that God was calling me to be a pastor and I spent a month processing that feeling.

That Sunday morning was February 26th, 2006, two years ago yesterday. So I guess it's natural to reflect and contemplate where I've been and where I'm at. The past two years are marked with a particularly low time for me spiritually. If you look back through my posts, you'll see them to be quite sparse. The few that are there sound depressing. Everything that I had enjoyed about church because so empty and there wasn't much left. So much so I was ready to leave if not for God's Spirit keeping me. Before I was interested in the 'hows' and 'whys' of the church. I (the geek in me) studied and struggled over how it all worked. I wanted to know how salvation 'worked', how forgiveness 'worked', how God wants churches organized and run. That had become empty and meaningless.

In these past two months, I've discovered (or possibly rediscovered) something. It's more the relational side of God. I still can't say I'm at a real emotional place, but the 'mechanics' of it aren't my primary focus. I'm not artistic, but I think painting is a good analogy. You've got to understand the mechanics of painting, how different paints, brushes, the canvas and colors work together properly to make it look good, but there is still an artistic, creative and relational part that can't be taught. The same is true with our Christian walk. It's important to understand our doctrine, what scripture says and how we are to live, but then there's another side, more relational and emotional. Just as in painting, you need a good foundation and education to really be able to explore the depths of our relationship with God fully.

This brings me to my next thought fairly well. Looking at there I've been and where I am, where am I going? In these past two months I've primarily used this blog as a teaching tool and that has seemed very natural. Teaching seems very natural to me and I use this blog as an opportunity to do that. So this morning I was praying on my way into work and this thought came to mind. Maybe that's to be more my focus, as a teaching pastor. I get excited when I see someone understand their faith (or my faith) better. This may be the way God has created me and how I'm to express myself in ministry.

Now, will this be in a church? Will I write? Maybe all this will be online or in video blogs (Youtube?) Is this the direction God has for me and is there something I can do now to fulfill this call? That doesn't necessarily mean getting a job as a pastor at a church, but maybe pastoring others through teaching and discipleship.

I've decided to spend another 30 days in prayer each day to work through this. I've not dedicated much prayer time on this since the beginning and think I should do this again. I'll update you once it's over and we'll see where we are. Please pray for me during this time. You can also leave comments on these posts or e-mail me. I'd appreciate any honest feedback, either supportive or corrective. My goal is to follow God where He leads and sometimes we need someone to point out that we're going the wrong way. Thanks.

Released from the Masonic Lodge

Our church is doing a 21-day fast. Now we're not going without food for 21 days. We're fasting from food completely for 4 of those days, and fasting from a specific thing the entire time. For me, that's soda pop. Having been raised Catholic, this is like Lent-lite to me. Prior to this, I've fasted when I had a tough decision to make and wanted to seek out the Lord for His guidance and wisdom. The first time was about six years ago for three days and was considering my involvement in the Masonic Lodge.

Just before this I had gone to a weekend retreat with our church. At one point towards the end of this time, each person goes forward for private prayer with a small group of others. This is for anything you might need, seeking to see if God has anything specific for you. During my time, Linden prayed that I would be released from Masonry. Now he had brought this up a couple times before with me, but this time it was different. The word 'released' is key. He asked me if I knew that God wanted me out if I would leave, to which I immediately said yes. When pressed not to give such a quick answer, I said that if I knew that God wanted something from me, how could I not do it. Linden's prayer for me was almost one of exorcism. He prayed against the blindness Satan had given me and being bound by the lies of the lodge.

I went back to my seat and almost immediately got angry. How dare he? He wasn't a Mason. Who was he to speak like that about something he knew nothing about. I was ready to walk out of there, but I didn't. I didn't want to go to church the next day, but I did. On Monday I was at a friend's house, still livid and ranting about it. I was ready to leave them all behind. If Linden would insist on pushing his own agenda, I didn't want to be involved.

On the way home, I realized that regardless of Linden or the church, I still desired a relationship with God and needed to get settled with Him first. The idea to fast came to mind. Immediately it seemed like a great idea to fast for three days and seek God and take this issue with the Masonic Lodge to Him. In hindsight, this had to be from God. I was a new Christian and knew nothing of fasting. I'd not heard it taught on outside of the Catholic church, and there it was just what you did during Lent.

So I did it. For three days I fasted and prayed when I should have been eating. At the end of it, my attitude about Masonry changed 180 degrees. I detested it. The idea of going back sickened me. I still liked the guys I knew there and didn't think them evil at all. But I just couldn't remain a Mason. It was like trying to stay in your seat when you've got to go to the bathroom. All you can think about is getting up and out of the room.

Now at this point, I was the presiding officer, called the Worshipful Master. We had our biggest event of the year coming up, where we were have our work inspected in the hardest degree, the Master Mason. The entire Lodge calendar revolved around this one night and it was three weeks from when I'd decided I had to get out. I stuck it out for the friends I had made there, and when the evening was done I told the district officer I was resigning. Strange how they have no method for leaving in place, but we worked it out. I was done.

Linden posted Isaiah 58 in a recent blog post of his.

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

A recent post on the church forum made me realize how real this was for me. God had literally released me from the bondage of the Masonic Lodge during the fast. Linden started it and I'm sure the reason I was angry was more demonic influence than my own heart. But God, in His wisdom, planted the idea of fasting and used that to set me apart from it just as He has promised.

Just a follow-up word on the Masonic Lodge. Do I think that Masons are demon-possessed Satan worshipers? No. In my time there I never saw anything of the like. Most Masons I know are very good men who do their lodge, churches and community proud. That said, yes I do believe that demons are real and at work in the world. The New Testament speaks to this very plainly. I think they'll use anything and everything they can to keep a person from worshiping God and having the freedom that comes through Jesus. The Masonic Lodge, with it's oaths, secrecy and ritual, is a wonderful breeding ground for putting good men into spiritual bondage. It's not the only thing, but it's one of many things that Satan uses. So no, Masonry isn't the center of all evil in the world, but it is damaging good men.

How clean is your soul?

How clean is your house? No one wants to live in a dirty house. I think our house is fairly clean. Sure, there's clutter, but overall it's not 'dirty.' However, if someone were to visit we'd clean up more so that it's 'company clean.' Then, if there was a holiday or party we'd make it even cleaner. Now we rent, but I know that if it was a house we were trying to sell, 'open house' clean would be the ideal. Funny how what's 'clean' now isn't 'clean' when the occasion changes.

Everyone has a different standard when it comes to clean. My clean house is dirty by my sister's standards. My aunt house is what I would call 'open house' clean all the time, but to her it's always dirty. She can always see something to do. Kate on TLC's "Jon and Kate plus 8" hates it when the filming lights go on because she can see everything. She's got 8 kids and mops three times a day, if that gives you any idea of her standards.

Now imagine the cleanest house you can. It's 'open house' clean by anyone's standard. The President could be visiting that day and you wouldn't be able to think of anything else to do. Would you hold surgery in your living room? Of course not! It's not clean enough for that. Operating rooms aren't just clean, they're sterile. For something to be sterile, it has to be cleaned such that there is no microorganisms present. It's near-perfection.

This is, in my mind, how we think about sin. Your standards of sin and mine may be completely different. One person's definition of 'clean' or a 'good person' may be completely different from another’s. Put another way, one person's 'good person' is another one's 'sinner.'

And just like the way we clean our houses, we even change our definition of sin based on the occasion or location. Why is it that there are certain things you shouldn't say or do in church or in front of your mother or grandmother? Does the location or occasion make something sin? Why would someone think it's fine to smoke any other time, but at church? For the record, I'm not saying that smoking is sin but it's the double-standard that I'm noticing. If something is sin, then it's sin no matter what.

My main point here is that even those who think they are 'super-clean', those that don't consider that they really sin, those who are 'open-house' clean for God; they still fall WAY short of God's standard. God's sterile. He's sinless. We're called to that standard and we all fail it. We all live in sin on a daily basis. Some may be really filthy and some may look uber-clean, but by God's standard we're all filthy rags. All of our souls are dirty each and every day, yet we look at our own standard of cleanliness and think we're fine.

Yes, some people need to really clean house, but none of us are sterile. We all need to pray and ask for Jesus to clean us each and every day. That's so much easier than the big spring-cleanings!

Worshiping for Two

I'll start by stating the obvious, I've never been pregnant. Slightly impossible, really. Not that anything is impossible with God, but of all the supernatural things He might do, I'm guessing that's lower on the list. That said, I'm going to play off the stereotype so please forgive an ignorant man.

As I worshipped at church this past Sunday, I realized that I was and yet wasn't really into it. I didn't feel like worshiping and would much rather take a seat, but I still desired to worship. It was satisfying some need that I wasn't consciously aware of.

You can divide the human creation into three major parts: the body, the soul and the spirit. it. The terms soul and spirit are often used interchangeably, but they are different things. The soul is the part of you that makes you, you which is not physical. This includes things like personality, temperament, emotions, skills, failings and whether you like mushrooms on your pizza. The spirit is God-breathed into you. It's what God breathed into Adam during creation and the part of him that died when he sinned. It's also what Jesus breathed into the disciples when He appeared in the upper room. This is what it means to be born again. When we are born, we are body and soul. Upon accepting Christ He sends His Spirit into us and that part of us is born again.

So we all know that we have physical needs. Food, water, air, and a Ronetti's Super Sub. These are basic needs for survival. Our soul has emotional needs. We need love, hope, compassion, etc. However our spirit also has needs. It needs to worship, to be fed scripture, to correct and care for others. but this spirit isn't us, it's God.

This is His Spirit living within us. We are two separate yet joined persons, much like a pregnant woman. It is our duty to nurture God spirit within us. We must make sure that we're feeding the Spirit what it needs. So we'll have a larger spiritual appetite and some surprise cravings. So even if we don't feel like it physically or emotionally, we've got to pray and be in the Word since we're worshipping for two.

Immigration and Descipleship

I posted the following reply to another blog I read "What is the Kingdom." The question was "What is the Christian response to illegal immigration?"

Personally, I try to take the details out and look at it from a higher perspective. Here's a person who God loves, and needs salvation. We may choose to reach out and provide for some of their physical needs to show God's love. We invite them to our church and let them know that they are accepted just like every other sinner. After all, if I am allowed here, anyone should be.

Then we teach God's Truth honestly and without apology. In this case, that would mean that the immigrant is not submitting to the government's authority as we are to do. It would mean correcting that, painful as it might be. It may mean a sacrifice, but there's a cost we all have to pay.

We've all had to trust God as He leads us in righteousness. We've all fought Him and been scared of the consequences. We don't make their specific sin a barrier to accepting them and showing them love. But we don't hide from the issue either. We allow God to transform them in His time.

Basically I don't think that anyone should be kept from the church, kept from fellowship or kept from discovering God's love and offer of salvation because of who they are right now. We always say "God loved you just as you are and loves you too much to leave you that way. This applies here. Illegal immigrant may be a political problem, but the people themselves must be accepted and loved by the church. That doesn't mean that we overlook or accept their immigrant status, nor teach that they are not breaking the law, but we still reach out.

The church is historically bad at this. Depending on your church or denomination, you may open your doors to the homeless, alcoholics, adulterers, teen mothers and felons. Each sinners in pretty life defining ways. Yet in some churches these people won't be accepted. And you be real hard pressed to find a Bible-believing evangelical church to accept homosexuals. Again, these are sinners who God loves, yet need the truth. If we won't reach out to them, who will?

We as a church, and as individual Christians, need to ask God for His heart for His people. We need to change the way we see people. We also need to stop putting people's sin as a barrier between them and Jesus. No one's sin is so big that we shouldn't want to share with them. Anyone can come and sit in the pew. People are called to Jesus, then righteousness, not the other way around.

Blog Updates:Subscribe

OK, you've seen that I've been playing around with the site for the past couple weeks. I think I'm done. I like the wider view, but my wife didn't like it when I swapped the right and left sides. I tried it for a while and decided I liked it better the old way too. So we've got a wider view, but back to the old layout.

Bigger than that, I've started using Feedburner to handle my RSS feed and provide some stats. If you read many blogs or news sites, using a feed reader is a great thing. I use Google's reader and it makes things much nicer. No more checking 30 sites a day, just to see that only a few had updated.

Also, you'll notice that you can now register to get an e-mail once a day if I've made a new post, so feel free. So if you don't use a reader, but still want to be notified when I've updated, here's your chance.

Everyone can e-mail me if there's any problems, otherwise enjoy. And thanks for reading.

The Gospel of the Matrix - Romans 6

I've heard much said about the Christian allegory in The Matrix. Neo is 'The One' and he dies and is resurrected to save humanity. I see that too, but I don't think that the Wachowski brothers set out to create such an allegory, but we have a natural affinity for savior stories. I do, think, however that they stumbled upon some other truths in their story which resonated with us because they are God's Truth. The idea here is that many times some things will ring true (other religions, self-help books, movies or songs, etc) because they contain a part of God's Truth and we respond to that part which is True.

When I walked out from seeing The Matrix the first time, I remember thinking that it all made sense. Not that I thought I was living in a machine controlled fantasy while my body was being used as a 300lb Energizer. Still, something about it resonated as true, the world we live in is not what's real. There's more happening behind the scenes and I'm living a lie, an illusion.

In the movie, Neo is aware if only vaguely and subconsciously that there is more to the world in which he lives, but he can't quite make it click. He seeks out a mysterious peron, Morpheus, who he feels knows the answer. Instead, Morpheus reaches out to him.

Morpheus: Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Neo: The Matrix.

Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is?

Neo: Yes.

Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

Neo: What truth?

Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage. Into a prison that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind.

This is God's Truth. Each and every person born in this world is born into bondage. We are born as slaves to sin. We are born spiritually dead, knowing only the physical world around us. We are born ignorant to the real world, the spiritual world. In the physical world, Satan is in power and he uses our sin to bind us from seeing the truth that there is more to life than just the physical life we live.

Jesus offers us the truth. He died and paid the price for our sin so that we might be born again spiritually. We begin to see the true spiritual world in which we really live. We see the bondage that others are in and we seek that they not be kept there.

We have a choice between continuing to live in this life of bondage to sin, or to discover the truth. Jesus offers us this choice just as Morpheus did to Neo.

Morpheus: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

Morpheus: [to Neo who is choosing the red pill] Remember... all I'm offering is the truth. Nothing more.

That's just it. Jesus offers us the truth, nothing more. Jesus doesn't promise us an easy life, or healing, or any other guarantee. Just as Neo found that the real world was hard living, so the Christian life is not easy. There's a battle to be fought. Satan does not want us to be outside his Matrix nor does he want us rescuing others.

Do you feel the 'splinter in your mind?' Do you know instinctively that there's something more to the world? Does something about all this ring true? If so, you also have a choice. You can continue living in this world, blind to the fact that you are a prisoner to sin, or you can take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

Calling Update

I created this blog to keep my calling as a pastor public, and it's kept to that purpose about half the time. So far this year, it's really been a forum for my own thoughts and teachings. However, in keeping with the spirit of this site, I thought I'd share my current thoughts.

At first, I worried about what I was going to do (school, etc) then I was disappointed that my relationship with God seemed to crumble before my eyes. I really felt like a failure and a disappointment to God. I also struggled with my relationship with my wife and balancing her needs and desires with what I felt I was obligated by God to do. Two years has just seemed like such a long time and I'm no closer to seeing this calling fulfilled than when I first heard it.

Now, however, I'm becoming more comfortable with not knowing what God's got planned for me. For all of us, the real important thing is having this relationship with God. It's not the theology or church leadership models. Those are important, but without being open with God and activily living life with Him, the rest doesn't mean much. I would still love to work in ministry and my current occupation is getting less and less interesting, but I don't need to push it. I'm content with learning with God and not just about Him, then letting my future grow out of that.

Yes, I know I should have realized that a long time ago. What can I say? I'm slow.