Seeing God Through My Wife.

You know, there are many ways in which being married really helps you understand God. Same goes for having kids. God's original plan for man (be fruitful and multiply) seems designed to illustrate who God is.

Now I'm not saying that the unmarried can't know God. We don't have kids, but I still know God. I just think that it really does help.

Case in point. As you know, I'm likely going to lose my job any day now. The stress is getting terrible, and finding the motivation to keep my tongue still and keep working is a challenge all its own. Yet my wife has shown me understanding and mercy beyond anything I expected.

What did I expect? Screaming. Criticism. Guilt.

Instead, she's showing me unconditional love, support and mercy.

As I was reflecting on how greats she's been, it struck me that God is so much more. What do I normally expect from God? Criticism and guilt. What does He give me? Absolute love, acceptance and mercy.

I can be so critical of my failures with God and just assume that He is the same. He is not. He sees and recognizes my failure, but forgives it and accepts me.

He loves me.

Yes, we say it so many time, but it's taking my wife to show me.

52 Pick Up

Well, I meet tomorrow with Linden and Mark, our Sr. Pastor and Administrative Pastor, to further discuss possibility of a Pastoral Internship. It was approved by the Elders, so we need to go over the details.

I'll tell you, it really feels like God is playing a game of 52-pick-up with my life right now. In four months I've gone from working my FT job and hoping that I could work towards being a pastor soon, to soon not having the FT job, considering school and a previously non-existent internship at my church. My wife and I feel like everything stable is gone right now and we are quite without direction.

Few of us ever hear an audible word from God. For me, it's often more of just an instinct I feel that may not make much sense.

Example: My wife's employer was in a renovated house and we almost rented the apartment upstairs from him. Even though it was a great situation, my instincts told me no. It felt like God was keeping us from taking it, so we passed. Most of the company, including Amanda, was laid off just a few months later. What would have been very convenient would have now been very, very awkward.

Today, I don't hear God saying anything clearly about my job or future. It's just this instinct that God is going to provide in pieces, even week to week or day to day for a while. During that time, I'll be working for the church, going to school, and getting prepared. It will be a time of purging and preparation.

I'm very scared for it. Not myself, so much, but for my wife. It's hard not to be able offer her a sense of security and stability. Those things need to come from God, so maybe that's the lesson for both of us.

Pray for us that God will speak comfort and confirmation to us.